Tuesday, August 27, 2013

Predicament

I think life is constructed like a joke... I have been a reader of various Zen writings and they all seem to say one thing: most known truths are paradox. Im saying like a joke because its funny how life is like that: paradox. It is also strange and conflicting half the time.

I'm in a predicament. You see, life has been kind and I found chances with several things I have been chasing. So it is kind of good right now. But...do not underestimate the power of feelings and want as well as need. Once you get what you want, you are hit with realities.

One: you have no idea how to proceed. Mostly you go with the flow and let it grow. But sometimes it is not that simple. Be it your business life and your relationships you need to be cautious. You need to step outside and see where you are and where you are going. Or do you? You see, thats how I wired myself, chained myself. I know what I am like see, I know how people react to me and my work. My feelings are always involved and my opinions are not normally subject to personal review. So in this caution I basically protect the world from myself. But the world does not know that.

I fear few things in life. I do not fear business or relationships...I just fear myself and my actions within those areas. I give so much that I end up feeling worthless and so decide to give little to achieve more. I feel so much that I fear to push away what I want. So I keep the emotion in check and though I move with effort...I move and protect.

So i'm in a predicament. They need me to show them everything to take me to the next level. They want me to give everything. She needs me to show it all to take us to the next level. But won't that drive it all away? Won't I scare her from me? I want it all to work out so bad. But I am scared of me. I am worried. My emotions are shouting. I know that I have already chosen to give all. But it scares me. I am naked. Nowere left to hide.

But I know I have decided. I'm going with the tide, not against it. It was always easier anyway - to be the river itself and not the fish. To let myself be...whatever the outcome.

Sigh. And so the tale begins...

Friday, August 23, 2013

Lacrimae Rerum

To put silence in words
Requires a sound
And to paint death
Requires a colour
Nothing exists in words
Or in colour
Our imagination
Became our eyes

To speak of life
Is to speak of pain
To speak of love
Is to lose yourself
The day it began
All turned paradox
And our greatest triumphs
Lived within tragedy

Chained in reality
Was always truth
In the invisible
In gravity and time
Quiet dominance in love
In power with faith
And truer still
The sorrow of being

We reconcile with life
And fear our end
When living is a drop
Into the sea that is death
A mere demonstration
Of the lifestreams
The hands of mother earth
And ancient of days

Lacrimae rerum
Oh we weep for consciousness
Our eyes forever clouded
By falsehoods of the mind
And how sad to run away
From our very souls
How we devour ourselves
Without grace

Soon time will fall
And faith will dissolve
Soon everything will be real
The end a beginning
And when we see the light
We will be the brightness
As when we find love
We will be the feeling

Monday, August 19, 2013

Bloodmoon (@Red_Sekhmet) Poem

Cerulean and sapphire merge ~ the horizon their endless seam ~ the sun is in a mood to splurge ~ as it casts down handfuls of gleam -- Bloodmoon (@Red_Sekhmet)

The Traveller (Song)

{09/12}
I once felt it
The length of your roots
Planted within me
Latching onto me
Lost words
Will have no meaning
To someone like me
Who has seen it all

Taste the wind with my finger Pointing to where I head
Placed on my heart
Is my treasured map
Float towards justice
And plot those feelings
Mirrored by the moon
Shining with indifference

As the canvas keeps moving
With or without you
Keep moving a brush
Leave a trace
Be the painter
Like me, a traveller
Life waits for noone
This journey is without end

Chorus:
Be your own
I was never here
See the world
Remove the mist from your eyes Forget I ever was
Passing through your life like smoke Sail on in the journey
You're a traveller through time

Mirrors & Gravity

A wall of chaos
Once descended
In a dreamer's guise
And as a dream
It was my reality
And my new curse
I basked in it's favor
And in delight

"Carry me to the edge
Let me fall
I will go upwards
And kill gravity
I have no desire
For what lies down there
I have no reason
To go back into darkness"

A glass stained wall
I saw it scream
That self-hating place
That mirror image
With a silent deathwish
That I never shared
It was just an image I said
It was not me

"Shatter me in the end
Be free of me
These colours you see
Are my mask my love
Gilded shadow and formless
Sent to ruin you
And confuse you
To change in time"

A portrait wall
Engineered to perfection
Façade of reality
And a true lie
Aesthetically in error
Bridging lies to shame
Weather of terror
Striking my name

"Drop me on a stage
Violent displays
Kaleidoscope of fact
To blur the lines the lies
We are not we
We never were
You are not me
You never will be"

Sunday, August 18, 2013

Melancholia {22 April 2012}

'Melancholia, the star falling on my planet - destroy me. Reduce me to simplicity. But take not my sanity or dignity.'

Self - reflection. Before you allow yourself to sit down and really feel yourself leaving your own body, before you try to see yourself from another angle, you can never truly discover exactly how much it hurts being in your own body. Or so it was with me. I had never tried to understand myself. I knew I was different but I never questioned why.

When you have a mind like mine, you are fundamentally in your own wave-length. You actually have a different way to see right and wrong. Your world has fewer rules. The world is grey. There are numerous tragedies that happen on this earth. Are they bad? Is death a horrible thing?

Funny thing is humanity has known death as long as we have existed. And yet, we seem to be no closer to just reconciling ourselves that death is a part of life. We live in fear and so we do not live.

I am, however, not truly an exception when it comes to things that look at life in the wrong way. Because I stopped fearing death, I also began to destroy the thin line between lack-of-fear and recklessness. I found myself walking in a street with on-coming traffic one day. I saw them and yet I just moved right in there. There was nothing but death waiting for me. And yet I spared no beat of my heart. No skip. No reaction except a sigh and I never bothered to close my eyes and it’s only a few days later, when I left my own body in my then-rare forays outside of myself (hence able to see closer within), that I scolded myself. I did not die. I did not get injured. The cars did not reach me at all. But my lack-of-fear had turned into recklessness. I realized I was not, strictly speaking – suicidal. I was reckless, but why?

For me to find my answer I had to see deeper into myself and hence I had to see myself from a new angle. What I found startled me. I got so caught up accepting death, but in doing so, I forgot why I wanted to live. I forgot there are reasons I want to live.

It was a difficult thing to finally understand because I had changed. I was the sort of person who saw more because I looked for more. Sun motes can occupy my eyes for an hour. I see beauty in everything and marvel at nature’s in particular. People are too caught up in their ‘living’ that they do not fully appreciate where they stand. I had changed. Or I just forgot?
But how could I forget? Maybe it was love. The one thing I kept looking for that gave me a new wave of possibilities. Of new ideas. Of New possibilities. Of living more and bringing new life to the world. I believed in love. When it continually eluded me, I forgot why I needed it in the first place. But then I remembered. I remembered how beautiful each moment became after a while. How every touch was heaven. How you are consumed and yet you live for that destruction of self. I say destruction of self because you cease to see yourself as a single entity. The ultimate destruction. The true death. How sad and poetic that I have finally remembered that I want to live. Why I want to live. And that its because I want to find someone so I achieve true death.

Then I ask you. Do you see it now? See what happens when you leave your body. When you finally understand? When you ask questions and discover yourself in the process. Love led me here. I see now.

Friday, August 9, 2013

Power Conditions

I am writing this from a lift. Im on my way, like any other day, to work. I am late. I did not make time for breakfast either. All this is normal. Then, why is it that I feel different? Is it because of the african bead chain I decided to put on today? (I have never worn it to work) Or is it maybe the fact that I am not, (as I usually am) wearing my earphones in the lift. I tune out the world, it's my thing, especially in here. Or is it the last few days that have seen my life take a turn that have made me feel this way? The new girlfriend? The company? I think, its all these things. Let me walk you through it...

It is what the Statistic Scientists call a condition of power. It is basically a graph going up in performance or rather, in well-being. I am well. I am aware. I am awake. It is when everything seems to go your way, when persistance and will or hope gives you a reward. I have waited a long time to get here. To find myself doing well in my business, in my social life and in the face of numerous troubles. It feels good to feel good. And an important observation is that you need to work for it. You need to want it, to put all your focus and believe in your own ability. You need to let go and yet embrace. And soon enough, you will feel a change, you will feel the ultimate feeling as you head into the new and face impossible targets. You will feel it, this sense of purpose, this need to achieve and the belief that nothing is unassailable.

Thats the silver lining.

#prongslives

Monday, July 15, 2013

The Bridge, The Anchor

I feel the rise and fall
Ocean within
I feel the rush of fate
A river between
Our lips carving a way
Weeping at the distance
A fair sight away
From your hand to mine
And my dreams form an honest bridge
As I beg you to return
Each time we go
Up the moonlit stairway
And behind the stonelit waterfalls To land back on the ground
Fly as we might
Becoming my unreal
Anchor to reality
Just pull me down
Let me rest with you

Tuesday, June 25, 2013

Stones & Kings

Harmonious
The riff and the sigh
Wave after wave
Of pure feeling
The drug in the water
Is grey poison
The systematic loss
Of space and time
Is revelry
Poor reason
Abandoned today
Thrown away
With the clothes
In honesty we stand
Real flesh real strings
Sex on fire
Burning away at the numbness
With ghosts of laughter
The remains of sanity
Broken puppet strings
Unyeilding unmoving
Cherry in mouth
The red revenge
A temporary world
For the unhinged
The stones and kings
Of our day
Easy on the ears
Easy on the eyes
We sing into oblivion
As we sail to nirvana
Today
We sing to our souls
And leave mortals behind
Waiting for the night

Monday, June 24, 2013

Angus & Julia Stone, 'Hold On' Lyrics

And I'm waiting for the day
I know you've got your part
And I'm waiting for the day
I know you'll have the heart
And I'm hoping that you'll say
That you loved me all this time
But it turns out just the same
And you break apart the things I had
Hold on, what did you say that for?
Hold on, what did you say that for?
Hold on, what do you take me for?
Hold on, what did you say that for?
And I'm waiting for the day
Inside my mother's clothing store
And I'm waiting for the day
What am I waiting for?
Hold on, what did you say that for?
Hold on, what did you say that for?
Hold on, what do you take me for?
Hold on, what did you say that for?

Wasteland

Truth becomes a river
Like glittering diamonds
A liquid lie
Formed by words
And guided by deeds
Sleeping across the surface
Of self discovery
Dreaming on into the night
Drinking again the moonlight
And illuminated
We all fall in despair
No one ever wished
To see where he fell
To look at his living sin
And all this time
One was walking blind
In a grove of promise
Till all the lies disappeared
And we found our souls
In a wasteland
Picture of the struggle
In search of meaning
In creation
In existance
Betraying the faith
And losing a god

Saturday, June 22, 2013

Paper Aeroplanes (Lyrics by Angus & Julia Stone)

I spilled the ink across the page trying to
spell your name
So I fold it up and I flick it out
Paper Aeroplane
It wont fly the seven seas to you
Cause it didnt leave my room
But it awaits the hands of someone else
The garbage man
Got to say mmm mmm mmm [x2]
So he opens it up and reads it out to all
his friends
Amongst the crowd a heart will break and
a heart will mend
He walks on home tired from work
The letter falls from his hand
He reaches out only to catch the sky
Its gone with the wind
Got to say mmm mmm mmm [x2]
I spilled the ink across the land
Trying to spell your name
Up and down there it goes
Paper Aeroplane
It hasnt flown the seven seas to you
But its on its way
It goes through the hands
Then to someone else
To find you girl
Got to say mmm

Somos lo que somos

Sometimes, you suppress who you are. People hurt you, even burn you. You then come to a dangerous conclusion: you are not just different, you are a freak and it is all your fault. I had to kill who I was. Impossible of cause. When you lose self you are not alive.. I told myself I was going to walk with my feelings on my sleeve, that I would let myself go. I felt diluted for so long. It was good. I spoke for the first time. I learned their ways and it was good. I could not breathe though. I only caught a breath when I was with specific people. But that is not the story. The story starts after it all, after the pain of gradually losing self disappears. When you wake up and find yourself back in your own skin. When you open your eyes and find darkness, black and familiar, welcoming. The light starts to hurt your eyes again. I suddenly realised I was apologizing. This was who I was. Why had I been hiding? Did it give me anything? This is the man I am. Who cares what the world says. Is it not that the greatest contribution I can spare to the society is being myself? Then I remember society. I realise I created one around me. You cannot avoid them. I cant. What now? An old face in a new world. Im numb. Im unable to move. I dunno how to. But then maybe I don't need to. I am who I am. And I must proceed as such

Thursday, June 13, 2013

Requiem for Lost Love

[Pt1: The Arrow]

Fell
Fated to melt your heart
Described as an arrow in flight
Quivering in the wind
An ethereal force
Oozing forth
Which no man could staunch
Even with his pride

Unbreakable, no fragility
Unthinkable to lose
Hollow thoughts for hollow souls
Written on its gate
Swung loose for the good of all mankind
The towering king of war
Who ate the sun
And drowned the moon

[Pt2 The Flower]

Yellow in the little green meadow
Cyan under the moonlight
Red rose under my blood-red sky
A silhoutte, anonymous on the cape of dusk
The first call of love to the black of heart
Untainted by fear, untouched by evil
Bane of the insanity I craved
A link to my youth

But it fell
And so Fell the flower became
Colourful nomore, a simple word
To burn my world
As if a flower could burn
And for once I felt
The sadness of killing a queen
Taking her rotten fragnance as well

[Pt3 The Flame]

And then the flame danced
Into my open arms
She kissed me once
And proclaimed her love
Showing me the night's hidden treasures
And the lights of men
I became more alive
With every touch

But the flame like the flower
Learned to burn me through
As her hand was neither not nor mine
And confusion started to set
Like the sun of love that bound us
And the fire of lust
That ruled every breath
Ragged and uneven, till now

[Pt4] The Ashes

There it was
The all-consuming fire
And the days grew older
As I got stronger
Seeing a wide field
Full of sunflowers in bloom
Looking down at my own hands
Finding a fist-full of purpose
Reading tomorrow on my palm
And I dared to hope
That all I fought for
Was realised,
Was not in vain
So you can imagine the pain
That travelled across my face
When I woke up to see
The slow fall of the ashes
Drifting below, serenely slow
And like little snowflakes
They barely made a sound
As if death was indeed silent
No tolling of bells
Noone to herald the doom
So soon to the bloom
Too soon to bat the fires down
The flame gold with life
Extinguished too the glowing coals
No light found on that dreary day
Like the life I once had
And to remember it, is to realise
No return, nor re-living
Just the composing of a lament
Or the requiem for lost love
No holding on to past in breath or essence
Just evanescence or liberation
Just vanishing or letting go

Monday, June 10, 2013

When in Love

All the world is silent
I breathed in too deep
I could have fallen any second
My thoughts so steep
And delights so violent
Painted on my soul
I knew I would lose the war
Of oneness and whole
I knew the stars would sing
But i'd never see them again
Anything that shined would be her
Anything beautiful on the horizon
Colour and nature
And my eyes would see everything
And i'd become blind
Oh when in love
When everything came alive
I would test my own boundaries
Of sanity
And wonder at my lucidity
And when truly fallen
I would not know
Where I began or ended
Or if I belonged to myself

Katatonia - Lethean

Friday, April 26, 2013

Mia Culpa (Final Edit)

I play
These melancholy riffs
To paint a landscape
Which in its permanence
Leaves no room
For regret or shame
Only doom
And it is me
The architect of the pain
And sword to the slain
A lethean river
Forgetting words of sorry
With every leech of sorrow
And it is me
Spreading all the truth
That we all fall below
The usual and the alternate
And fire burns us all
Like sharpened tongues
But even my mistakes
Are burned by passion
Conceived in the music
Of senseless abandon
And still as stillness recalls
We will break monotony
As the crows fly
Down towards us
Day and night
And still
Mia culpa
And still
No regrets